In our previous post, we talked about how many seniors unrealistically believe they can take care of themselves for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case, and we discussed the importance of regular communication and how to deal with stubborn parents. This post is a continuation of that theme…
Make Sure All Siblings Are Unified
It is vital that all siblings and family members are on the same page. It often only takes one disgruntled child who urges the parent to stay in his home to make placement nearly impossible. Sometimes this challenging sibling isn’t even the one taking care of the parent or may live far away without first-hand knowledge of the situation.
Avoid Extraneous “Baggage”
When families get together, there can sometimes be personal “baggage” brought to the table. It is best to avoid unnecessary confrontation or sensitive family subjects, for the good of the parent. Remember, don’t be selfish. It is not about your issue or past grievance, it is about what’s best for your parent.
Power of Attorney
Important items to address include financial issues to pay for the parent’s living expenses, and who will act as the elder’s durable power of attorney for health care. One capable person should be appointed as the elder’s primary advocate. This person, whether a son (or daughter-in-law) or daughter or adult grandchild, should oversee financial decisions and act as the elder’s durable power of attorney for health care.
Dealing with the Guilt
No matter how smoothly the process goes, children often retain guilt about moving elderly parents to a long-term care facility, especially, if they are religious. Regardless of whether you promised to never put a parent in a nursing home, the decision about placement must be based on what’s best for the parent at a given time.
Remember, putting a parent in a nursing home may be the most loving act that a child can do because it may improve the quality of the parent’s life from medical and social perspectives. Nursing homes vary in quality but in general, are places where parents often thrive.Remember, putting a parent in a nursing home may be the most loving act that a child can do because it may improve the quality of the parent's life from medical and social perspectives. Click To Tweet
Forming a Caregiving Team
Caregiving is a family affair. It is important to gather your siblings, children, uncles and aunts together to address an ailing loved one’s needs. Have a meeting and discuss the problem, without the parent present. Remember to never go it alone.
You may also want to include a financial advisor, home care provider, and elder care attorney on your caregiving team. A financial advisor may be able to help answer financial questions related to placing mom or dad in an assisted living or skilled care home. A wealth manager may help preserve capital for your aging parent and help with determining the best way to fund the assisted living home. The home care provider may be able to “shop around” for the ideal next home for your parent. An elder care attorney can help with legal questions related to your aging parents.
We’d like to be part of your Caregiving Team
Intelligent Investing’s first core value is Compassion. We think that it is important to give generously to those in need, and your parent is now the one in need. We may be able to help you organize your parents’ “financial junk drawers.” We can also manage their remaining assets in a way that helps preserve them to pay for their next place of living. We can be your “financial quarterback” in organizing the key professional players you need input from. We often collaborate with several professionals who deal with issues that may be outside of your wheelhouse. As you face this emotional time in your life, we would be honored to serve with you and help you tackle the toughest decision you may ever face.