Estate Planning

You’re Not Alone When Placing a Parent in a Nursing Home

July 25, 2019 by Hans Blake, CFA, CPA

Reading Time: 2 minutes

On today’s Intelligent Money Minute, we’ll interview Beverly Flaxington on realizing that you are not alone when placing a parent in a nursing home. Making the decision on whether or not to place a parent or spouse in a nursing home can be complicated and burdensome. The life adjustment that will ensue can take a significant toll on the family, so you need to be prepared. During this episode, Bev stresses the importance of implementing a network of friends and family to provide emotional and physical support. Our previous podcasts with Bev highlighted Should You Put Your Parents In Assisted Living? and How to Handle Long Term Care Regret.

The Hardest Decision a Child Will Make is a blog that talks about this tough subject. We’ll be interviewing Beverly on several podcasts regarding behavioral finance, and the emotional journeys one can embark on during retirement, so be sure to subscribe to our Intelligent Money Minute podcasts.

Beverly Flaxington, American businesswoman and founder of The Collaborative, holds the trademarked moniker, Human Behavior Coach®. She received this title for her years in professional consulting and the human behavior development industry. Also, Flaxington has authored seven books on personal and professional development.

Beverly Flaxington Bio

In addition to being a coach on changing human behavior, she is a three-time bestselling and Gold-award winning author, an international speaker, behavioral expert, and business development expert.

Bev has created a number of proprietary approaches to changing human behavior and helping companies reach excellence. In addition, she blogs for Psychology Today and answers human-related questions in Advisor Perspectives Magazine.

In 1995, Bev co-founded The Collaborative, a sales and marketing consultancy. The firm provides strategic and tactical support to help financial services and wealth management firms reach higher levels of effectiveness. The Collaborative specializes in delivering effective coaching, training, and proprietary consulting services.

How To Handle Long Term Care Regret

June 6, 2019 by Hans Blake, CFA, CPA

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Reading Time: 1 minute

On today’s Intelligent Money Minute, we’ll interview Beverly Flaxington on how to handle regret when placing a parent in a long-term care facility. Guilt and regret can arise after deciding to place a parent into assisted living. During this episode, Bev provides practical steps to navigating through regret while making this emotional transition. To gain more insight on this topic, here is a previous blog on The Hardest Decision a Child Will Have to Make. Our previous podcasts with Bev highlighted Emotionally Transitioning Into Retirement and Should You Put Your Parents In Assisted Living?

We’ll be interviewing Beverly on several podcasts regarding behavioral finance, and the emotional journeys one can embark on during retirement, so be sure to subscribe to our Intelligent Money Minute podcasts.

Beverly Flaxington Bio

In addition to being a coach on changing human behavior, she is a three-time bestselling and Gold-award winning author, an international speaker, behavioral expert, and business development expert.

The Hardest Decision a Child Will Have to Make (Part 1)

August 22, 2018 by Hans Blake, CFA, CPA

One of the hardest decisions a child will have to make is the decision to place their parent into assisted living, memory care, or a nursing home. Our family recently went through this with my grandpa before he passed away in March.

“Call me when you can,” was a recent text I received from my mom.

When I returned the call, my mom was on the line, crying. “We have to put grandpa in a nursing home.” Amidst sobs, she told me that she and dad could no longer lift or move him from room to room. “What do I need to do?” was her next question.

This situation is happening all over America and will continue to happen indefinitely. When it comes to moving elderly parents, and bringing up the “nursing home” or “assisted living” conversation, experts say it is probably one of the hardest decisions a child will ever have to make. Many children will have parents move in with them, but there may come a point where taking care of them is no longer an option.

Living in a Fantasy World

Many seniors unrealistically believe they can take care of themselves for the rest of their lives. This is where children or other family members can be the catalysts in identifying the problem and prompting change. No matter what the age of your parent, now is the time to begin communicating about the future. If you open the lines of communication early on, words like “nursing home” lose their sting later.

Managing Stubborn Parents

My grandpa was from New Hampshire. If you think that talking to your parent is difficult, try talking with a stubborn New Englander whose modus operandi is “Resist change no matter what.”

Unfortunately, there are no magic strategies or tricks for convincing an elder to move. Placed under duress to change, we typically resist, regardless of the other person’s arguments. Often, we will dig our heels in further, if it feels like the other party is threatening us. If you say “you have to do this, or do that,” you won’t get very far. Instead try, “Dad, I’m concerned about you; it makes me worried to see you like this.”

When a parent continually refuses to entertain the idea of moving, the child may need to back off for the time being. This doesn’t mean you have to give up but look for other conversation openings to raise the issue again.

Unfortunately, sometimes things must get worse before they get better. Often, it is little things that add up until one incident causes a tipping point in the situation. For my parents, it was the time when they realized they could no longer lift and move my grandpa from one room to another. For others it may take a parent falling or having the water turned off because he forgot to pay the bills, or the realization that a parent can no longer safely reside in the home.

If there is a willingness on the parent’s part to visit a senior housing facility, the child should proceed quickly to set up visits at local facilities. You may also want to see if these facilities will allow an aged individual to try living in them for a week or a month before the person has to decide whether to sell his house and stay in the facility or return home.

The Importance of Regular Family Communication

The problem is we procrastinate and don’t want to face our biggest fears. Most of the time, children only talk about the situation when they are in crisis mode. It’s a recipe for potential chaos as you mix confused elders, disorganized yet well-meaning children, and a crisis situation.

Avoid the crisis situations by having regular conversations with your parent about what the future holds. Most parents don’t want to burden their children. Often, parents will hide things from their adult children because they don’t want to surprise or scare them. However, if you show them compassion and that you are their advocate, it can make all the difference.

At Intelligent Investing, one of our key tenets is to unify families on communication. We attempt to bridge the communication gap between husbands and wives, and multiple generations and would love to help you bridge the gap between you, your siblings, and parents. Our financial planning software provides tools for children and parents to know questions such as: What may mom and dad be able to afford? How will I preserve the proceeds if I sell a parent’s home? How will moving into a nursing home integrate into an overall financial plan?

At Intelligent Investing, we strive to bridge the communication gap between family members. Click To Tweet

In part 2, we’ll talk about how to make sure your siblings are unified, how to deal with the guilt, and how to form a care-giving team.

How to Have an End-of-Life Family Meeting

June 7, 2018 by Hans Blake, CFA, CPA

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Over the next several decades, the biggest and wealthiest generation in U.S. history will transfer roughly $30 trillion in assets to their Gen X and millennial children. At Intelligent Investing, one of our four unique factors is to improve financial communication between families. We do that by being a communication bridge between generations. Every generation thinks differently than other generations. Knowing how to communicate with multiple generations is vital. Many families do not want to discuss this topic because of blended families or past bad experiences. However, here are some helpful considerations for creating a family meeting that will allow you to talk to your heirs about your end-of-life decisions.

Discuss your Family Legacy

One of Intelligent Investing’s Core Values is Legacy. We believe it is more important to pass on family values than it is to pass on valuables. The head of the family should take some time in recounting stories of your family history. Perhaps you can share what values are important to you, and a time in your life when those values were challenged. By sharing your values with your children and grandchildren, you are setting them up to be better managers of the resources you may be entrusting to them. What better time to impart nuggets of wisdom you have attained over the years. Perhaps you want to instill a sense of hard work, persistence, patience, or other virtues into the younger generations. Perhaps you could write down, “Five lessons I’ve learned over the years related to money.”

We believe it is more important to pass on family values than it is to pass on valuables. Click To Tweet

Create Proper Expectations.

The key to any communication is to set proper and transparent expectations. It is important to address preconceived expectations as well. Once you have found a neutral private location for the meeting, you may want to begin with two questions:

The family head answers, “Why are we doing this?”
He asks the family members, “What would you like to get out of this meeting?”

By setting the right expectations for the meeting and allowing time to listen to everyone’s responses, you will set the right tone.

Answer Heirs’ Questions

As the family head learns what the others would like to get out of the meeting, he can address them specifically. Many times family members will have been contemplating questions or issues but will not have addressed them in the past. Perhaps they have addressed them with other heirs or siblings, but not with the family head. This is a great time to get the questions on the table to hear the family head answer them directly.

Wealth Transfer Process and Plans

A primary goal of the family meeting should be to clearly communicate the family head’s intentions regarding his or her estate plan. Be sure to clarify important details, such as who is the executor (personal representative) of your estate, where your will and important information is stored, and, of course, who will get what. You don’t want families to split and siblings not speak to each other after mom and dad pass away due to missed expectations. Explain the process you have gone through in order to arrive at the decisions you are sharing. Explaining the “Why’s” behind the decisions can be valuable as sharing the “What’s” and “How’s.” How do you hope the estate resources will provide new opportunities for the family members?

If there are some financial complexities, such as trusts, insurance policies, beneficiary IRAs, or other accounts that have tax ramifications, we can bridge the gap and explain how these various accounts affect the next generation and ways to mitigate potential traps.

Healthcare

This meeting may be a time for the patriarch or matriarch to share his or her end-of-life desires. Perhaps he wants family members to know that he has a do not resuscitate (DNR) clause. A DNR also known as no code or allow natural death, is a legal order written either in the hospital or on a legal form to withhold cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) or advanced cardiac life support (ACLS), in respect of the wishes of a patient in case his heart was to stop or he was to stop breathing. The DNR request is usually made by the patient or health care power of attorney and allows the medical teams taking care of them to respect his or her wishes. The head of the family may want to discuss his or her long-term care insurance policies, whom he has appointed as health care power of attorney, or his nursing home preferences and wishes.

Lifetime (Current) Giving

There is nothing wrong with making inter vivos (Latin, “between the living”- a legal term referring to a transfer or gift made during one’s lifetime) gifts. In fact, it can be very satisfying seeing your children and grandchildren using the resources you have given them to make financial decisions where you see the fruit of those decisions. Some families make giving a family affair, choosing the charities collectively. If your children are involved in the decision making, they will gain firsthand exposure to your generosity, and may be more apt to continue the generosity you have established. At Intelligent Investing, we can setup a Donor Advised Fund or Foundation and let all family members participate in choosing which charities and non-profit ministries are important.

Next Steps

Our clients can host a multi-generational family meeting in which Intelligent Investing bridges the potential awkwardness while addressing specific financial questions and emotional topics. We can assist the family head in creating an agenda for the meeting but may take a back seat when the discussions begin. We think this is a vital meeting to have before a family crisis forces the conversation at a more awkward time with higher emotions present.

We work predominantly with high net worth individuals and institutions who have between $500k to $5M of investable assets. If you’d like to learn more about becoming an Intelligent Investor, click here to call or set an appointment.

Complex Charitable Giving Strategies

If you are interested in learning more about various charitable giving strategies, consider downloading our Charitable Giving article below.

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What are the Differences between a Revocable and Irrevocable Trust

February 26, 2018 by Hans Blake, CFA, CPA

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Reading Time: 2 minutes

Ever wonder what are the differences between a revocable trust and an irrevocable trust? Listen to Chad Groover, elder law attorney from Upstate Elder Law, talk about the differences between a revocable and irrevocable trust on our latest podcast. Consider joining us at our next First Friday Networking at Noon event (FFN@N) to hear Chad speak on this and other topics.

You may have seen our prior article and podcast about the probate process. Or perhaps you read our post and heard our podcast on ways to avoid probate. Whether you’re seeking to manage your own assets, control how your assets are distributed after your death, or plan for incapacity, trusts can help you accomplish your estate planning goals. Their power is in their versatility–many types of trusts exist, each designed for a specific purpose. Although trust law is complex and establishing a trust requires the services of an experienced attorney, mastering the basics isn’t hard.

What is a trust?

A trust is a legal entity that holds assets for the benefit of another. Basically, it’s like a container that holds money or property for somebody else. You can put practically any kind of asset into a trust, including cash, stocks, bonds, insurance policies, real estate, and artwork. The assets you choose to put in a trust depend largely on your goals. For example, if you want the trust to generate income, you may want to put income-producing securities, such as bonds, in your trust. Or, if you want your trust to create a pool of cash that may be accessible to pay any estate taxes due at your death or to provide for your family, you might want to fund your trust with a life insurance policy.

When you create and fund a trust, you are known as the grantor (or sometimes, the settlor or trustor). The grantor names people, known as beneficiaries, who will benefit from the trust. Beneficiaries are usually your family and loved ones but can be anyone, even a charity. Beneficiaries may receive income from the trust or may have access to the principal of the trust either during your lifetime or after you die. The trustee is responsible for administering the trust, managing the assets, and distributing income and/or principal according to the terms of the trust. Depending on the purpose of the trust, you can name yourself, another person, or an institution, such as a bank, to be the trustee. You can even name more than one trustee if you like.

To learn more, consider downloading our Trust Basics Article

Intelligent Investing does not provide any tax, legal, or accounting advice. Any material in the email or attachments has been prepared for informational purposes only, and is not intended to provide, and should not be relied on for, tax, legal or accounting advice. You should consult your own tax, legal and accounting advisors before engaging in any transaction.

3 Ways to Avoid Probate

February 16, 2018 by Hans Blake, CFA, CPA

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Reading Time: 1 minute

Listen to Chad Groover, elder law attorney from Upstate Elder Law, talk about ways to avoid probate on our latest podcast. Be sure to also listen and read our prior blog and podcast on how the probate process works.

You may have heard about the horrors of the court proceedings after death, but in truth, probate has gotten an undeservedly bad reputation, especially in recent years. If you bypass probate, your estate will go to your beneficiaries without any court proceeding, and you may save a certain amount of time and expenses. However, there is usually little reason for most people to avoid probate today. States continue to revise their probate laws, making them more consumer friendly, particularly for small estates. In fact, there are some good reasons to distribute your property by will. Decisions are binding and have legal finality once your will is probated. Creditors who fail to file claims against your estate within a specific amount of time — usually six months after receiving notice — are out of luck.

However, some major drawbacks to probate do exist, including the time it can take. The process averages six to nine months to complete but may take up to two years or more for some complex estates, tying up the assets that your family may need immediately. Also, for a larger estate, the cost may be as high as 5 percent of the estate’s value.

To learn more, consider downloading our Bypassing Probate Article

How the Probate Process Works

February 13, 2018 by Hans Blake, CFA, CPA

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Reading Time: 1 minute

Listen to Chad Groover, elder law attorney from Upstate Elder Law, talk about how the probate process works on our latest podcast. In case you missed it, We heard Chad Groover speak at our First Friday Networking at Noon event.

3 Financial Chats You Should Have Over the Holidays

December 18, 2017 by Hans Blake, CFA, CPA

Reading Time: 4 minutes

One of Intelligent Investing’s four unique factors is to unify families in their financial communication. What better time to talk about finances and money with family then over the holidays. Wait a second….you may be thinking, “You do not understand my family. We have a hard time communicating about anything, let alone a touchy subject like money.” You are right. I may not know the history or nuances of your family, but based on my prior blog series, How to Get Naked…, I talked about the freedom from being vulnerable. It takes some common sense and humility to bring up the right topic at the right time.

Sometimes the conversation comes up naturally. Perhaps you compliment your grandma’s piece of jewelry, and she responds with, “I’ll make a note to leave it to you in my will.” Other times, it will be worth making a deliberate effort to sit down with the family after a meal to get that conversation ticked off the to-do list while everyone who needs to be involved is together. You may want to avoid the taboo subjects of politics and religion, but money should definitely be on the table as a potential topic of conversation. Here are three financial chats you may consider over the holidays.

You may want to avoid the taboo subjects of politics and religion, but money should definitely be on the table as a potential topic of conversation. Click To Tweet

End of Life Planning

I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had where children were surprised by the complexities of end-of-life planning for their parents. This can be a touchy subject as children don’t want to appear nosy, and parents don’t want to necessarily share all they’ve accumulated over their lifetimes. Americans in general are private people when it comes to money. However, dementia and other diseases are continuing to hit many homes, and talking about end-of-life should be handled delicately. As you may have read from my other blog, I provided 10 tips for when your parent becomes a child. It doesn’t have to be morbid, but you can discuss about the oldest generation’s wishes and desires for the future. Many of them have been thinking about it throughout the year, and may be ready to share their thoughts with their children.

However, please use your best judgment. If someone in the family has a terminal illness, it’s likely inappropriate to discuss wills, estate plans and anything that has to do with death and money. The topic is too raw and should be conducted very privately and with specific sensitivity.

Family Legacy

One of Intelligent Investing’s core values is Legacy. We believe it is just as important to pass on family values as it is to pass on financial assets. Unsolicited advice continues to be pretty unpopular–but younger family members can learn from older family member’s frank discussions about their own financial successes, failures, and lessons. A teenager may be more receptive to advice from a doting grandparent or their favorite aunt than from their uncool mom or dad. For example, if done the right way, a parent (with a child who may be heading down a path of debt) could ask a grandparent how they dealt with debt when they were younger. Warning- if the teenager suspects that you are trying to teach a lesson in an ingenuine way, the lesson may be lost.

Christmas gift-giving presents another opportunity for family members to select a present that comes with its own financial lesson. Click To Tweet

Christmas gift-giving presents another opportunity for family members to select a present that comes with its own financial lesson. For small children, the gift may be a piggy bank to teach about saving and delaying gratification. For older children, a gift contribution to a 529 college savings plan or retirement account may teach about long-term goals and visions for the future.33

Savings and Investing

Children may be able to have a good conversation about their parents’ financial situation by asking whether they have a plan for long-term care and retirement. Because money is so often taboo, the children may not want to appear to pry into their parent’s financial lives. However, if children don’t ask whether mom or dad have a financial plan, then parents may do what they think is best without their children’s input. Unfortunately, as baby boomers age, they also continue to be the target of salespeople and scam artists. A child could prevent a major multi-generation financial crisis by asking the right questions or reviewing financial documents with parents.

Some children may learn that mom or dad are considering purchasing or have already purchased a large variable annuity contract or other product. Many times these contracts come with steep penalties and long lock-up periods, and are not what they seemed when sitting across the table from a “financial planner.” Sometimes the parents will unknowingly meet with an annuity salesperson, who plays on their fears, and by the time the children find out, the ink has dried.

Although many annuities are sold more than they are bought, some may be appropriate for a specific reason or situation. If your parent is considering purchasing an annuity, we’d be happy to sit down with them to share an unbiased opinion and review the contract to let them know what they are really purchasing. If your parent happened to have already purchased an annuity, Intelligent Investing has an annuity rescue program that may be able to reduce many of the expenses through what’s called a 1035 tax-free exchange. We’d be happy to discuss with you and your parent(s) at the appropriate time.

Freedom from Want

One of my favorite pastimes was to visit my grandparents and look through their Norman Rockwell coffee table book. It was filled with humor and realistic pictures of America. In 1943, inspired by FDR and to raise money for the war effort, Norman painted Freedom from Want. The picture depicts multi-generations of family gathering around a table, laughing and talking… I can envision a good family chat about finances as they carve up the turkey.

I trust you may spend time reflecting on the true reason why we celebrate Christmas, and how we once-and-for-all were given “freedom from want.”

Final Thoughts

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to check off all the boxes for your money talk. The chat you have may simply be a start of an ongoing discussion encouraging transparency and financial responsibility in your family. Setting healthy expectations is a way to continue the dialogue. If it starts getting uncomfortable, you can always cut it short by saying, “I really think this is an important topic–can we pick up the conversation over coffee on Saturday?”

If there is anything we can do to bridge the financial communication gap, let us know.