Healthcare/ Eldercare

The Hardest Decision a Child Will Have to Make (Part 1)

August 22, 2018 by Hans Blake, CFA, CPA

One of the hardest decisions a child will have to make is the decision to place their parent into assisted living, memory care, or a nursing home. Our family recently went through this with my grandpa before he passed away in March.

“Call me when you can,” was a recent text I received from my mom.

When I returned the call, my mom was on the line, crying. “We have to put grandpa in a nursing home.” Amidst sobs, she told me that she and dad could no longer lift or move him from room to room. “What do I need to do?” was her next question.

This situation is happening all over America and will continue to happen indefinitely. When it comes to moving elderly parents, and bringing up the “nursing home” or “assisted living” conversation, experts say it is probably one of the hardest decisions a child will ever have to make. Many children will have parents move in with them, but there may come a point where taking care of them is no longer an option.

Living in a Fantasy World

Many seniors unrealistically believe they can take care of themselves for the rest of their lives. This is where children or other family members can be the catalysts in identifying the problem and prompting change. No matter what the age of your parent, now is the time to begin communicating about the future. If you open the lines of communication early on, words like “nursing home” lose their sting later.

Managing Stubborn Parents

My grandpa was from New Hampshire. If you think that talking to your parent is difficult, try talking with a stubborn New Englander whose modus operandi is “Resist change no matter what.”

Unfortunately, there are no magic strategies or tricks for convincing an elder to move. Placed under duress to change, we typically resist, regardless of the other person’s arguments. Often, we will dig our heels in further, if it feels like the other party is threatening us. If you say “you have to do this, or do that,” you won’t get very far. Instead try, “Dad, I’m concerned about you; it makes me worried to see you like this.”

When a parent continually refuses to entertain the idea of moving, the child may need to back off for the time being. This doesn’t mean you have to give up but look for other conversation openings to raise the issue again.

Unfortunately, sometimes things must get worse before they get better. Often, it is little things that add up until one incident causes a tipping point in the situation. For my parents, it was the time when they realized they could no longer lift and move my grandpa from one room to another. For others it may take a parent falling or having the water turned off because he forgot to pay the bills, or the realization that a parent can no longer safely reside in the home.

If there is a willingness on the parent’s part to visit a senior housing facility, the child should proceed quickly to set up visits at local facilities. You may also want to see if these facilities will allow an aged individual to try living in them for a week or a month before the person has to decide whether to sell his house and stay in the facility or return home.

The Importance of Regular Family Communication

The problem is we procrastinate and don’t want to face our biggest fears. Most of the time, children only talk about the situation when they are in crisis mode. It’s a recipe for potential chaos as you mix confused elders, disorganized yet well-meaning children, and a crisis situation.

Avoid the crisis situations by having regular conversations with your parent about what the future holds. Most parents don’t want to burden their children. Often, parents will hide things from their adult children because they don’t want to surprise or scare them. However, if you show them compassion and that you are their advocate, it can make all the difference.

At Intelligent Investing, one of our key tenets is to unify families on communication. We attempt to bridge the communication gap between husbands and wives, and multiple generations and would love to help you bridge the gap between you, your siblings, and parents. Our financial planning software provides tools for children and parents to know questions such as: What may mom and dad be able to afford? How will I preserve the proceeds if I sell a parent’s home? How will moving into a nursing home integrate into an overall financial plan?

At Intelligent Investing, we strive to bridge the communication gap between family members. Share on X

In part 2, we’ll talk about how to make sure your siblings are unified, how to deal with the guilt, and how to form a care-giving team.

How the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act Affects ABLE Accounts

January 27, 2018 by Hans Blake, CFA, CPA

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Reading Time: 2 minutes

Expansion of 529 plans to allow transfers to ABLE accounts

The new tax legislation also allows 529 account owners to roll over (transfer) funds from a 529 plan to an ABLE plan without federal tax consequences. This ability to transfer funds will expire at the end of 2025 unless a future Congress acts to extend the law.

An ABLE plan is a tax-advantaged account that can be used to save for disability-related expenses for individuals who become blind or disabled before age 26. Like 529 plans, ABLE plans allow funds to accumulate tax deferred, and withdrawals are tax-free when used to pay the beneficiary’s qualified disability expenses, which may include (but are not limited to) housing, transportation, health care and related services, personal assistance, and employment training and support.

ABLE accounts have annual and lifetime contribution limits. Contributions from all donors combined during the year cannot exceed the annual gift tax exclusion ($15,000 in 2018). As for lifetime limits, each state sets its own limit, which is also the state’s maximum for its 529 college savings plan contributions. In most
states, this limit is at least $350,000.

A list of ABLE plans offered, by state, and a comparison tool are available at ablenrc.org.

Note: Investors should carefully consider the investment objectives, risks, charges, and expenses associated with 529 plans and ABLE plans before investing. Specific information is available in each plan’s official statement. Participating in a 529 plan or ABLE plan may involve investment risk, including the possible loss of principal, and there is no guarantee that any investment strategy will be successful. Before investing, consider whether your state offers residents favorable state tax benefits for 529 plan or ABLE plan participation, and whether those benefits are contingent on joining the in-state plan. Other state benefits for 529 plans may include financial aid, scholarship funds, and protection from creditors.

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10 Tips for Caring for a Spouse or Parent who has Become a Child

November 20, 2017 by Hans Blake, CFA, CPA

Reading Time: 2 minutes

10 Tips for Caring for a Spouse or Parent who has Become a Child.

It has been over three years since my grandma passed away from dementia/ Alzheimer’s on Thanksgiving Day, 2014. She was a sweet lady who almost overnight went from being independent to dependent upon my grandpa and my parents. Unfortunately, this is not an unusual situation in America today. Many of us know loved ones who suffer from dementia or Alzheimer’s. Intelligent Investing’s first core value is Compassion, and we believe we must have compassion on our loved ones. It is our duty and privilege to help those in need--especially family. Share on X

My grandpa took care of her until he no longer was able. His health then declined after her passing, and my parents became his caretaker for the remainder of his life. He was promoted to heaven to join my grandma in March of this year. I observed the emotional toll and stress on my parents as they sometimes didn’t know what to do or who to turn to for help during their final years. I know this is a common theme for many families across America.

Sobering Statistics

As of 2009, the value of the services family caregivers provide for “free,” when caring for older adults, is estimated to be $375 billion a year. That is almost twice as much as is actually spent on homecare and nursing home services combined ($158 billion). More than 65 million people, 29% of the U.S. population, provide care for a chronically ill, disabled, or aged family member or friend during any given year and spend an average of 20 hours per week providing care for their loved one.

After reading several books and observing my parents in their reversing roles, I wanted to provide some helpful tips for anyone caring for a spouse or parent who has become a child.

10 Tips for Caring for a Spouse or Parent who has Become a Child

Don’t argue, but rather change the subject.
Don’t try to shame or lecture your parent into doing what is best for them. Distract, divert attention, and do what has to be done.
Avoid the word remember. Instead reminisce with your loved one, remind and reassure.
Physical touch is important.
Monitor medications!
Get rid of clutter. Simplify even family photos.
Make spiritual input a priority. Worship together, read Scripture, sing. Even if you can’t carry a tune, the words of those songs can still lift a heart.
Take care of yourself. You can only do so much. There is no shame in asking for help.
Pray–for strength and patience, but also prayers of thankfulness for giving you the opportunity to bless them.
Celebrate everything you can.

If there is anything we can do to help your family, please let us know.

To learn more, I recommend picking up the book, “When Your Parent Becomes Your Child” by Ken Abraham.

The ABC’s (and D’s) of Medicare

October 10, 2017 by Hans Blake, CFA, CPA

Reading Time: 2 minutes

It’s that time again….October 15 to December 7th is open enrollment for Medicare Advantage. You can enroll or change your plan if you are already enrolled. And to understand this government program, one must have a taste for…you guessed it, alphabet soup. If Medicare confuses you, you are not alone.

Individuals aged 65 and older, the disabled, and those with End-Stage Renal Disease are eligible for Medicare Parts A and B. If you are 65 or older, enrollment in Medicare Part A (hospital benefits) should be taken care of automatically, but you must enroll yourself in Part B (medical coverage) and Part D (prescription drug benefits).

Enrollment in or changes to your Advantage Plan coverage (aka Part C), or Medigap coverage after you turn 65, must also be made during the open enrollment period. Be aware that there is a late enrollment penalty for Part B, which is basically your medical coverage. This penalty is steep, and for life! Your premiums could go up by as much as 10% for every twelve- month period you delay. Medicare Advantage plans are offered by private insurers and may yield savings in your out-of- pocket costs and can offer additional benefits as well. However, depending upon the provider network in the HMO, PPO, or POS, you may have fewer choices of when picking your physician. Medicare Supplement Plans are often referred to as Medigap plans. There are many different types of Medigap plans and luckily, the good folks at www.medicare.gov have a chart that gives us ease of comparison.

Just remember that Medicare Parts A and B will continue to be your primary medical coverage. Your Medigap policy works closely with Medicare in order to help cover out of pocket cost, co-pays, deductibles and other “gaps” that exist with Parts A and B. For more on how the above penalties are calculated, and exceptions to the rule, follow this link.

Like most things in life, 2017 premiums, co-payments and deductibles are all going up a bit. However, Part D (prescriptions drug) may actually decrease a slightly in 2018. This would be the first such decrease in five years.

For more information, see the Mediare article below:

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