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5 Financial Questions to Ask Your Spouse

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At Intelligent Investing, one of the things that we believe makes us different is our attempt to unify families with financial communication. We’ve heard stories of people being laid off, paychecks being cut, and many more financial uncertainties. These times can be scary, and we can tend to want to internalize our emotions and not share them with others…leading to more loneliness and depression.

I recently read that China’s divorce spike due to the Coronavirus should be a warning to the rest of the world. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, the opposite might be true, but it doesn’t have to be. We know that financial stress can be a top reason for divorce, but it shouldn’t be. As families are put under new financial and emotional stresses, it is important to make more of an effort regarding your communication with your spouse and family.

Five Financial Questions to Ask

In order to help you get started, here are five financial questions to ask your spouse. Perhaps you can grab a cup of coffee and turn off Netflix for 15 minutes. My hope is that this may lead into deeper conversations.

  1. How financially secure are you feeling and why?
  2. In what ways could we can improve your feeling of financial security?
  3. How much do you think we have in our emergency fund?
  4. Do you think we need more or less in our emergency fund?
  5. What would you want to know financially should something happen to me? (getting laid off, sudden illness, unexpected death)

These are not the only financial questions you can ask, and your list of questions will be better than mine. The point is it starts getting both spouses on the same financial page.

When I asked my wife, Amanda, these questions, one of the things that came out of the conversation was that she wasn’t sure where all our money was should something happen to me. This opens the door for me to better communicate and document that, for example, we have a UK pension plan from the time I worked in London.

It may feel awkward at first—especially if you haven’t had these talks in a while, or ever. However, your spouse will appreciate your effort and it may grow you closer during these times of social distancing.

Need More Help?

If you do find yourself unemployed, be sure to consider whether it is worth rolling over your 401k or 403b. Check out our blog on the topic. Being laid off can be an emotional and scary time. Intelligent Investing was built to help you control your emotions of fear and greed. We’d be happy to take you out for a cup of coffee or lunch to discuss your situation and see if we may be able to help. Also, be sure to check out our Coronavirus’ Impact on Retirement mini-series.

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10 Tips for Caring for a Spouse or Parent who has Become a Child

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caring for a spouse or parent
Reading Time: 2 minutes

10 Tips for Caring for a Spouse or Parent who has Become a Child.

It has been over three years since my grandma passed away from dementia/ Alzheimer’s on Thanksgiving Day, 2014. She was a sweet lady who almost overnight went from being independent to dependent upon my grandpa and my parents. Unfortunately, this is not an unusual situation in America today. Many of us know loved ones who suffer from dementia or Alzheimer’s. Intelligent Investing’s first core value is Compassion, and we believe we must have compassion on our loved ones. It is our duty and privilege to help those in need--especially family. Share on X
My grandpa took care of her until he no longer was able. His health then declined after her passing, and my parents became his caretaker for the remainder of his life. He was promoted to heaven to join my grandma in March of this year. I observed the emotional toll and stress on my parents as they sometimes didn’t know what to do or who to turn to for help during their final years. I know this is a common theme for many families across America.

Sobering Statistics

As of 2009, the value of the services family caregivers provide for “free,” when caring for older adults, is estimated to be $375 billion a year. That is almost twice as much as is actually spent on homecare and nursing home services combined ($158 billion). More than 65 million people, 29% of the U.S. population, provide care for a chronically ill, disabled, or aged family member or friend during any given year and spend an average of 20 hours per week providing care for their loved one.
After reading several books and observing my parents in their reversing roles, I wanted to provide some helpful tips for anyone caring for a spouse or parent who has become a child.

10 Tips for Caring for a Spouse or Parent who has Become a Child

  1. Don’t argue, but rather change the subject.
  2. Don’t try to shame or lecture your parent into doing what is best for them. Distract, divert attention, and do what has to be done.
  3. Avoid the word remember. Instead reminisce with your loved one, remind and reassure.
  4. Physical touch is important.
  5. Monitor medications!
  6. Get rid of clutter. Simplify even family photos.
  7. Make spiritual input a priority. Worship together, read Scripture, sing. Even if you can’t carry a tune, the words of those songs can still lift a heart.
  8. Take care of yourself. You can only do so much. There is no shame in asking for help.
  9. Pray–for strength and patience, but also prayers of thankfulness for giving you the opportunity to bless them.
  10. Celebrate everything you can.

If there is anything we can do to help your family, please let us know.

To learn more, I recommend picking up the book, “When Your Parent Becomes Your Child” by Ken Abraham. 

Grandma and Grandpa Blake

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