emotions

Reading Time: 5 minutes

This is part two of a mini-series on those who have been financially scammed. You can read part one here.

I recently received a call out from a loved one. “Hans, are you sitting down,” they said in a frail voice filled with emotion.

I immediately thought there was an accident or death in the family. My loved one began to explain how they were scammed out of thousands of dollars. They had called their credit card company and had reported the crime to the local sheriff’s office. However, nothing more could be done. The damage was done, and since it was an international scam, it was out of the local police’s jurisdiction. 

As I heard the tearful admission on the phone, there were all sorts of mixed feelings and questions welled up inside of me.

How could someone do this to my loved one? Is there some other avenue of justice and repayment they haven’t thought of? What kind of people scam other people out of hard-earned money? How many other people have fallen victim to this scam? 

One of the most helpless feelings is when you or someone you care about has been scammed. The damage has been done and it often feels like there is nothing you can do. In most cases, by the time the dust settles, the scammer can’t be found. The victims do the best they can to protect themselves from further financial or legal harm but it never feels like enough. 

The sad reality is that scams cheat older Americans out of almost $3 billion a year. That’s $3 billion with a “b.”

Falling for a scam is something that most people will not admit to. Scammers know this and use it to their advantage, but their victims have no reason to feel embarrassed. Many people have been conned out of money or personal information. Many are highly educated and affluent—not the type of people you’d think could fall for a scam. These deceptive people are very good at their jobs. In fact, our embarrassment and reluctance to share our experiences is the key to their continued success. 

Listen and empathize without judgment

Offering a shoulder to cry on is a no-brainer. But the key lesson is to listen and empathize without judging this person. He is probably already judging and beating himself up worse than you ever could. Being a friend who will not judge a mistake is a priceless gift. People who have been scammed could always use someone to listen without judgment while they process what has happened and figure out how they go forward.

Though it may be difficult, try not to say the following:

1. “What were you thinking?”
2. “How could you be fooled by that?”
3. “I would never have fallen for that.”
4. “Everybody knows about that scam.”
5. “Why are you so anxious?”
6. “It’s all in your head.”

Scammers play on people’s emotions, needs, and fears. We can easily move from being rational to irrational, as adrenaline kicks in, and our natural “fight or flight” mentality takes over. Sometimes we can be more easily fooled when the scammer presents an easy way to get something we want very badly, or a way to avoid something we are very afraid of. The scammers take advantage of the way our brains tend to work in these situations and they get what they want out of us. Saying these statements above to the victim only brings on even more embarrassment, guilt, shame, and self-doubt.

Remind them they are not stupid

Scammers are extremely good at what they do. Let me repeat, scammers are EXTREMELY GOOD at what they do. They use tactics based on human psychology to get people to miss important clues that something is not as it seems. Often, scammers send the victim into an “amygdala hijack.” Amygdala hijack shuts down the pre-frontal cortex, which is our rational, logical ‘executive function’ part of our brain. This causes us to act and not think. Once the victim starts parting with money they are susceptible to another psychological process called “escalation of commitment.” This makes them more motivated to give more money in the belief they will get it all back.

One of the ways scammers operate is to emphasize that the person must act quickly to avoid a problem (such as IRS scams) or to gain something (such as a job). Another way they operate is to spend a lot of time talking with the person they want to scam to gain credibility and trust, such as in romance or “sweetheart scams.” Scammers often sound very friendly and concerned about the person they are trying to scam. They often isolate the victim by saying things like, “Your phone has been hacked, and you can’t call a loved one, because then their phone will also be hacked.” By limiting the conversation between the scammer and victim, it allows them to isolate their prey. 

These are just a few examples of the skills scammers use to their advantage. It is vital to encourage the person you care about to look at the situation realistically and determine what made him vulnerable, instead of concluding that he “must be stupid” since he fell for a scam.

Focus on what can be done

It is very common for someone who is in (or has been in) a very difficult situation to think endlessly about all the things he wishes he would have done differently. People get emotionally “stuck” in this sometimes, and for many reasons can’t get out of this unhelpful thought pattern.

At Intelligent Investing, we encourage all our clients and ourselves to focus on what we can control, and not on things we can’t control. Encourage the victim to focus his energy on the things he can control, not the things he can’t.   One thing that tends to help a person get “unstuck” is to take some kind of action to make things better, no matter how small it is.

For example, encourage the person you care about to:

• Get educated on scams or psychological tactics scammers use to prevent getting scammed again; or
• Get involved with an organization that supports people who have been scammed; or
• Report the crime to authorities.

These are some of the positive actions that help people heal. They are also focused on the future instead of the past, which can help shift a person’s attitude to see the situation as a lesson learned and a mistake instead of feeling like a complete failure in life. Remember, the windshield is much bigger than the rear-view mirror.

Take Rest in a Higher Being

This last section is personal, and may not apply to your situation. Admitting your mistake or forgiving yourself is often the hardest thing to achieve. The person who was scammed may feel like a complete failure in life after they realize what has happened. They often lose sight of the fact that although the consequences may be harsh, it is still a mistake and not a statement about who she is as a person. We all make mistakes at times. We either recognize that our mistakes are not the end of the world and that some good can come from them, or we don’t. In the Bible, the Apostle Peter recommends casting all your anxieties and worries on God, because he cares for you. By releasing the mistake to God and trusting that things will work out to one who knows all things, you may be able to find peace of mind again.

How to Safeguard Against Identity Theft

The most common form of identity theft is financial identity theft. This is when someone uses another person’s information for financial gain. For instance, a scammer may use your bank account or credit card numbers to steal money or make purchases or use your Social Security number to open a new credit card. There is no way to prevent all fraud, and any prevention tools are not 100% guaranteed to work all the time. However, we wanted to share the following PDF that highlights ways you can safeguard yourself against identity theft. 

We are here to help

One of our first core values at Intelligent Investing is compassion. We understand that being scammed or being defrauded is one of the most stressful times in a person’s life. We are here to help our clients and be a sounding board and financial accountability partner to them. If there is anything we can do for you, we’d love to have a cup of coffee or a quick phone call with you.

Schedule a short discovery call or meeting

 

Reading Time: 6 minutes

This is part three of a mini-series on protecting yourself from being financially scammed. You can read part one here and read part two here.

There’s been a huge increase in online activity since the COVID-19 outbreak. Cybercriminals have been taking full advantage of this trend, but there are several easy things you can do to help protect yourself from being financially scammed.

I recently received a call from a loved one. “Hans, are you sitting down,” they said in a frail voice filled with emotion.

I immediately thought there was an accident or death in the family. My loved one began to explain how they were scammed out of thousands of dollars. They had called their credit card company and had reported the crime to the local sheriff’s office. However, nothing more could be done. The damage was done, and since it was an international scam, it was out of the local police’s jurisdiction. 

The sad reality is that scams cheat older Americans out of almost $3 billion a year. That’s $3 billion with a “b.” Nothing is fool-proof, but this blog is to share knowledge about ways to protect yourself from financial fraud.

Protect Yourself Online

1. Safeguard your personal information

Be extremely critical of unsolicited requests for personal and/or financial information, including requests to confirm or verify your password. Let your phone go to voicemail if you don’t recognize the phone number calling you. If someone claiming to be your credit card company calls you asking for information, hang up. Call the customer service number on the back of your credit card to ensure it was not a financial scam. Search for the company’s website and contact them directly to verify the legitimacy of the request. 

2. Think twice or thrice before you click

Clicking on links and attachments can result in downloading malware used to steal your personal information. It’s best to delete emails or texts from people you don’t know and trust. Never click on an unsolicited link or attachment from a company. Some of the biggest brands have been impersonated in phishing attacks, and often these attacks are difficult to spot. 

3. Never use public Wi-Fi

When you use unsecured (public) Wi-Fi, criminals can intercept your activity and steal your personal information — even if you’re not accessing sensitive information like your personal email and banking account. Attackers can also distribute malware on your device and see all your past activity including logons and account information. Consider using a Virtual Private Network (VPN) when traveling such as NordVPN or privateinternetaccess.

4. Don’t respond to urgent requests

Scammers use urgency to send their victims into an “amygdala hijack.” Amygdala hijack shuts down the pre-frontal cortex, which is our rational, logical ‘executive function’ part of our brain. This causes us to act and not think.

Be extremely skeptical of any request to transfer money, make or provide payment details or confirm information. Even if it comes from someone you know, like your boss or a friend, it could be an imposter. When in doubt, follow-up with the email sender separately. 

5. Create strong passwords

Choose passwords that are at least 13 characters long. Avoid using names or personal information like your birthday or ZIP code. Also, don’t use the same password for all your devices and apps — if cybercriminals got their hands on that password, they could get into all your accounts. Consider using a Password service such as LastPass or Keeper.

6. Update your software frequently to avoid Pharming

Pharming is another scam where a fraudster installs malicious code on a personal computer or server. This code then redirects any clicks you make on a website to another fraudulent Website without your consent or knowledge.

Keep your operating system and apps current to stay protected from security threats. Consider setting up automatic updates so you can benefit from beefed-up security as soon as it becomes available. Consider using a security suite such as McAfee, Bitdefender, Kaspersky, or Norton.

7. Protecting Yourself from Phishing

Phishing is by far the most common type of attack. It occurs when cyber criminals send a seemingly legitimate email urging you to verify your account, confirm your personal information, change your password or provide other sensitive information. Companies will rarely contact you this way. When in doubt, look up the company and contact them directly to verify the content of the email.

8. Safeguarding from Pretexting

Pretexting occurs when criminals pose as someone from your work, a delivery company or a service provider for example, and fabricate a situation designed to get your personal information. Armed with just enough information to make their scam believable, they can approach you by phone, in person or online. Whereas phishing often relies on scare tactics, pretexting is about gaining your trust so you divulge your information. 

9. Don’t take the Clickbait

Have you ever gotten a solicitation for a free movie download, streaming service or a sought after white paper? Be careful, because it may be a baiting tactic. Baiting involves offering something of interest in exchange for sensitive information like your password. Often times, clicking on the link will install malicious software on your computer, enabling the criminal to gain access to your login and other personal data.  

10. Safeguarding from Vishing and Smishing

Vishing uses phone calls, and smishing uses text messages, to get you to respond to an urgent request to supposedly protect you from arrest, large fines or an account compromise. The telephone version of vishing and text messaging version called smishing relies on “social engineering” techniques to trick you into providing information that others can use to access and use your important accounts. People can also use this information to assume your identity and open new accounts.  The objective is to get your credit card and account information or other personal information used to steal your identity.

• If you receive an email or phone call requesting you call them and you suspect it might be a fraudulent request, look up the organization’s customer service number and call that number rather than the number provided in the solicitation email or phone call.
• Forward the solicitation email to the customer service or security email address of the organization, asking whether the email is legitimate.

11. Never Pay with Gift Cards

Gift cards are a popular and convenient way to give someone a gift. They’re also a popular way for scammers to steal money from you. That’s because gift cards are like cash: if you buy a gift card and someone uses it, you probably cannot get your money back. Gift cards are for gifts, not payments. Anyone who demands payment by gift card is always a scammer.

Protect Your Identity

Another way people are financially scammed is through identity theft, and the most common form of identity theft is financial identity theft. This is when someone uses another person’s information for financial gain. For instance, a scammer may use your bank account or credit card numbers to steal money or make purchases or use your Social Security number to open a new credit card. There is no way to prevent all fraud, and any prevention tools are not 100% guaranteed to work all the time. However, we wanted to share the following PDF that highlights ways you can safeguard yourself against identity theft. 

Protect Yourself Psychologically

Scammers are extremely good at what they do. Let me repeat, scammers are EXTREMELY GOOD at what they do. They use tactics based on human psychology to get people to miss important clues that something is not as it seems. As mentioned above, scammers often send their victims into an “amygdala hijack.” Amygdala hijack shuts down the pre-frontal cortex, which is our rational, logical ‘executive function’ part of our brain. This causes us to act and not think. Once the victim starts parting with money they are susceptible to another psychological process called “escalation of commitment.” This makes them more motivated to give more money in the belief they will get it all back.

One of the ways scammers operate is to emphasize that the person must act quickly to avoid a problem (such as IRS scams) or to gain something (such as a job). Another way they operate is to spend a lot of time talking with the person they want to scam to gain credibility and trust, such as in romance or “sweetheart scams.” Scammers often sound very friendly and concerned about the person they are trying to scam. They often isolate the victim by saying things like, “Your phone has been hacked, and you can’t call a loved one, because then their phone will also be hacked.” By limiting the conversation between the scammer and victim, it allows them to isolate their prey. 

These are just a few examples of the skills scammers use to their advantage. It is vital to encourage the person you care about to look at the situation realistically and determine what made him vulnerable, instead of concluding that he “must be stupid” since he fell for a scam.

Protect Yourself with an Accountability Partner

Whenever one of our clients makes a request for a distribution from one of their accounts, we do our best to verify the client by calling them to hear their voice and ensure the distribution request is valid.

We also encourage our clients to call us if they suspect anything suspicious and want a second opinion on what they are seeing.

One of our first core values at Intelligent Investing is compassion. We understand that being scammed or being defrauded is one of the most stressful times in a person’s life. We are here to help our clients and be a sounding board and financial accountability partner to them. If there is anything we can do for you, we’d love to have a cup of coffee or a quick phone call with you.

Schedule a short discovery call or meeting

Sources: © 2020 First Citizens Bank

Reading Time: 4 minutes

I recently received a call out of the blue from a loved one. “Hans, are you sitting down,” they said in a frail voice filled with emotion.

I immediately thought there was an accident or death in the family. My loved one began to explain how they were financially scammed out of thousands of dollars. They had called their credit card company and had reported the crime to the local sheriff’s office. However, nothing more could be done. The damage was done, and since it was an international scam, it was out of the local police’s jurisdiction. 

As I heard the tearful admission on the phone, there were all sorts of mixed feelings and questions welled up inside of me.

How could someone do this to my loved one? Is there some other avenue of justice and repayment they haven’t thought of? What kind of people scam other people out of hard-earned money? How many other people have fallen victim to this scam? 

One of the most helpless feelings is when you or someone you care about has been scammed. The damage has been done and it often feels like there is nothing you can do. In most cases, by the time the dust settles, the scammer can’t be found. The victims do the best they can to protect themselves from further financial or legal harm but it never feels like enough. 

The sad reality is that scams cheat older Americans out of almost $3 billion a year. That’s $3 billion with a “b.”

Falling for a scam is something that most people will not admit to. Scammers know this and use it to their advantage, but their victims have no reason to feel embarrassed. Many people have been conned out of money or personal information. Many are highly educated and affluent—not the type of people you’d think could fall for a scam. These deceptive people are very good at their jobs. In fact, our embarrassment and reluctance to share our experiences is the key to their continued success. 

What To Do Once You’ve Been Scammed

If you or someone you know has been scammed, it is crucial to notify the proper authorities as soon as possible for help recovering lost funds and to prevent others from being victimized. With so many kinds of scams and fraud, it’s hard to figure out where to report each type. Gather emails, receipts, and phone numbers so you’re prepared to complete your report. Click here to learn where to report your specific scam.

Start by reporting the scam to your state consumer protection office. If you lost money or other possessions in a scam, report it to your local police too. In addition to reporting the scam to your local or federal government, you may want to report the scam to organizations outside of the government. Third parties may be able to get your money back or remove fraudulent charges. Report a scam that happened with an online seller or a payment transfer system to the company’s fraud department. If you used your credit card or bank account to pay a scammer, report it to the card issuer or bank. Also, report scams to the major credit reporting agencies. Consider placing a fraud alert on your credit report to prevent someone from opening credit accounts in your name.

The Emotional Scars From Being Scammed

Victims are often so ashamed at falling victim that they are unwilling to share their stories with others, leading them to internalize their shame. This increases the negative effect of shame, which can then trigger depression and even Post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD.  Victims also feel a lack of trust, both in themselves and in the community at large. They do not trust their own ability to discern right from wrong, or good from bad, increasing their feelings of vulnerability and emotional violation.

Here are some of the most common emotional effects:

• embarrassment
• loss of appetite
• insomnia
• resentment
• anxiety
• shame
• guilt
• anger
• bitterness
• depression
• fear
• introspection
• loss of trust in others
• loss of a sense of security
• grief
• lack of communication with others
• suicidal thoughts

How to Overcome the Emotional Scars of Being Scammed

If you’ve ever been scammed, you will need to find ways of taking care of yourself – such as leaning on a support system of caring family and friends. You will also need to not get caught in negative or distorted thought patterns associated with the fraud or scam. 

Accept the emotions

Take another look at that list above.  Those are some raw and ugly feelings, right?  When fraud or a scam happens, people often suffer through these types of emotions for a long time.  This is normal.  But it also doesn’t last forever – or it shouldn’t.  Like the multiple stages of grief, it is best when you allow the emotions to happen. Many people find that once they stop trying to avoid feeling these emotions, those emotions start to lose their power and their intensity.

Find your best supportive family members and friends

Look for your own people who are supportive and can be an encouragement to you. If you find yourself consistently feeling worse after spending time with someone but you can’t pinpoint why… you may want to spend less time with that person. Life’s too short to be surrounding yourself with negative people. Notice what happens with your thoughts and emotions after talking about this with certain people, and gravitate towards the ones who are helping you feel better, not worse. 

Change your thinking  

If you are constantly thinking about what happened and focusing on negative thoughts and self-talk, you are going to feel awful.  Switch your thinking to the things you can do, and turn your negative thoughts into action. Recognize we all make mistakes sometimes. I once heard a preacher say, “You either preach truth to yourself or listen to yourself. And when we listen to ourselves, it is often distorted.”

Ask for help when you need it

You may be telling yourself that you should be able to handle this, or that you are making more out of it than you should.  But in reality, we all need help at times.  Ask a trusted family member or friend for help.  And if you can’t get your thoughts or emotions back under control, find a counselor who can listen.

One of our first core values at Intelligent Investing is compassion. We understand that being scammed or being defrauded is one of the most stressful times in a person’s life. We are here to help our clients and be a sounding board and financial accountability partner to them. If there is anything we can do for you, we’d love to have a cup of coffee or a quick phone call with you.

Schedule a short discovery call or meeting